Sweet Dreams are not made of this...

So this year I have decided I need to take better care of myself. I am changing my diet, my weight, I am going to exercise more, and find out why I can't sleep at night.

Which brings me to what I was up to last night.

Lately I have developed a habit of snoring loud enough to wake the house. I went from never snoring to shaking the windows. My wife tells me I also stop breathing at times during the night.

Flashback to last Friday...

I went to see my doctor to explain what is going on. He said he was going to schedule a sleep study and then they drew some blood. After which he tells me "I have never seen you this heavy before." Mind you I am about 6ft and weigh 225lbs. They called me today to tell me my thyroid is acting up again. So it's back to the Synthroid for me.

Fast forward to last night

7:30pm
I arrive at the emergency room to check in for my sleep study. I go through the usual paperwork with nothing unusual until I am asked if I have a living will or if I have a clergy preference. I am here for a sleep study. Why do I need a living will or a clergyman?? I am here to sleep, nothing else, just sleep. If I require a living will or a clergyman for this then there is something seriously wrong and I don't want any part of it.

7:45pm
I am currently sitting in a room at the hospital awaiting the attendants to come in and hook me up to all the equipment. On the bed are several cords that look like they hook into monitors. I must say at this point I am a little frightened. I mean how many things do they have to connect to me to see how I sleep. The room itself is not bad with the exception of the camera watching my every move. I hope they have a breakfast buffet in the morning.

8:30pm
The doctor just came in to discuss what they are going to do. They are going to hook up 19 monitors to me. When I mentioned I am uneasy about things on my face, I was told I can leave after they put the stuff on me before the study starts. If I want to leave after the study starts I have to cover all costs, which I was told is several thousand dollars.

Are you kidding me?? Several thousand dollars to watch someone sleep?? And you wonder why our health care system is in shambles.

9:10pm
So now I am waiting for the doctor to come back and hook me up. They tell me they are going to wake me up about 6:00am. Are they out of their minds???

9:15pm
Big Brother's voice appears from the speaker in the wall to ask me to look into the camera so my picture can be taken. Why do they need a picture of me? They will be watching me all night. Isn't that enough?

10:20pm
American Idol has come and gone. I am convinced they will let any crazy person on TV. My attendants finally come in to hook me up. There is two of them so I am getting the tag team treatment. I am not sure what was going on, all I could feel were four hands all over my head. After they hook me up I was starting to feel like I was going on a space mission for NASA.

10:40pm
Now I climb into bed and my attendants leave. Then I hear the voice of Big Brother through the wall again. It's time to test the equipment. They tell me to lie still with my eyes open, then close my eyes, then look left, then right, then left again, and right one more time. I go through the same thing by looking up and down. Then I had to hold my breathe for 10 seconds and wiggle both legs. Finally the test is over and I am told I can go to sleep now. So there I was in total darkness with no noise. Who can sleep in that environment??

5:45am
So it's morning....I think. I hear the voice of Big Brother asking me if I am ready to wake up. My first thought was...."Did I go to sleep?". It didn't feel like I had slept at all. My attendants come in to disconnect everything and ask me some questions. Most of the wires came off ok until they got to the two on my chest and the four on my legs. There is nothing like being woken up in the morning to a waxing. It was at that point I realized I didn't need coffee to wake up this morning.

6:15am
I am finally on my way home from this not so restful evening.


This hospital has no WIFI connection. This is incredibly cruel treatment. I am actually writing this in TextEdit on a MAC PowerBook so I can publish it tomorrow. Thank goodness for text messaging so my wife can keep my company while we watch American Idol and text each other about the nut jobs who they let on the show.


I am making other changes as well. I have joined a nutrition/fitness program to help me take off the 40 pounds my doctor wants me to lose. I will be documenting my progress in that program as it goes along.